Fr. Joe Pete

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere .... and let the air out of their tires.
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!

Lesson number one

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson number two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.