On the beginning of July 1988, I received the letter from Brother Anthony Nguyen Minh Thanh informing that he just arrived at the refugee camp in Singapore. [AnthonyThanh had entered the La Salle Mossard Junioriate in 1973, courageously continued to join the Lasalle Brothers’ life after 1975 in company with his classmates like Brothers Alphonse Minh, Andre Thang, etc. Again, in company with the Brothers at LaSalle Mossard community and some of his classmates, he was arrested and imprisonned at the so-called K3 re-education camp. Released from prison on December 22, 1980, he became Brother Anthony in taking the religious habit in Nha Trang and lived at the community of Vinh Tho until his successful escape]

 He successfully fled overseas from Nha Trang with many other boatpeople, his younger sister Huyen included. In his letter, he expressed his willingness to continue his Lasallian Vocation, "but, as you might know it," he wrote, "Brother Gaston, Head of all communities in the region of Nha Trang, said that any Brother who had tried - whether successfully or not - to flee overseas, must be considered by himself and by the Congregation as... traitor, i.e. should be eliminated from the Congregation..." I understood his anxiety and I knew that he had reason to be concerned about it. I immediately sent him a reply-letter encouraging him to "stand firm on his willingness and try to contact Brother Deùsireù, then Auxiliary Visitor, for support because Brother Deùsireù was in the same situation as his, i.e. escaping from Nha Trang..."

A few months later, he wrote to me a joyful letter, informing that "Brother Superior General, John Johnston, and Brother Auxiliary Visitor, Deùsireù, had come to visit me in Manila. They all agreed that I continue my La Salle vocation. I’ll be perhaps in Seattle, WA, with my younger sister Huyeàn, in six months - after my English classes at Bataan." Moreover, he asked my advise "Which District should I apply for?"

"Which District should I apply for?" made me more or less embarrassed. I wrote to him, displaying many options, i.e. there were seven different Districts in the region of North America. "It’s up to you." I added, "However, the District of Baltimore would be my preference, because this is the sole District I have known until now and there are some Vietnamese Brothers here. You should know that I’m leaving Philadelphia in a year or so, returning to Paris. But don’t worry, there are other Vietnamese Brothers around..." His reply-letter came less than two weeks later, expressing his wish to join the Brothers at the Baltimore District.

I presented Brother Anthony’s case to Brother Colman Coogan, newly elected Visitor of the District of Baltimore replacing Brother Thomas Caldwell. Brother Colman said, "Are you sure he is a ‘good guy’?" I smiled, then proudly replied, "First of all, he is my former Junior. Since the Junioriate at the La Salle Mossard Thu Duc until the end of 1980, i.e. after being released from prison, we had been together, enduring the same challenging life-style. I knew he was ‘a good guy’, dynamic and sociable. But after that date, I didn’t know if he had continued to be ‘a good guy’ or not. However, after such a turbulent life in his teenage, he did continue his La Salle vocation in Nha Trang, completing his Novitiate year and living in community amidst troubling ups and downs. And moreover, after successfully fleeing overseas and surely being resettled in the United States, he still expressed his willingness to continue being a La Salle Brother. I would think it’s enough to be assured of his loyalty to the La Salle Congregation."

Brother Colman smiled, saying no word. I continued, "Brother Visitor, I’m finishing my computer sciences studies in a year or so, and I’m going back to Paris. I’d like to have Brother Anthony replacing me in your District - not as a deal, but just to express my gratitude to your District for..." He laughed, then promptly said, "If both of you join the District of Baltimore, you’ll be very welcome." "Thank you, Brother Visitor!" I joyfully whispered.

At that moment, like a flash of mind, an idea came to my mind. I said, "Brother Visitor, I have been thinking of what I could do in Paris after my studies. I was thinking about setting up a computer and duplicating room, just like KINKO’S. But any project can be done only with necessary materials, i.e. three or four computers, one or two printers, etc... for starting. I’m wondering if you could..." He smiled, then said, "It’s a good idea! But..."

***

My computer sciences studies at La Salle University were going on well. At the end of the Fall Semester of 1988, I got the necessary units to complete the B.S. degree. I must confess that such a degree was graciously granted to me by the faculty. Indeed, closely considering my capacity in terms of English language and my quite limited intelligence, I felt myself not worthy of such an award.

Brother Joseph Mahon encouraged me to apply for Religious Studies during the Spring Semester 1989 and to continue during the Summer Session, in getting as many units as possible for the Master degree in Religion.

***

On April 1989, Brother Deùsireù, Auxiliary Visitor of the Sub-District of Saigon in Paris, made a tour to make canonical visits to the Vietnamese Brothers who had belonged to the Sub-District, as well as a fraternal visit to other Vietnamese Brothers who belonged to different local Districts. It was a long trip from New Caledonia to Australia, to San Francisco, to Philadelphia, to Paris, then back to New Caledonia.

Brother Phong flew to San Francisco to report to Brother Deùsireù about the hopeful and optimistic process in realizing the Project in California. Brother Deùsireù and Brother Phong came to visit Brothers Theophane, Bertrand, Raphael Dinh, and of course, Brother Mark Murphy, then Visitor of the District of San Francisco. One evening, Brother Theophane called me, and through the telephone, he said, "Valery, the Project in California sounds good and feasible. I met Brother Deùsireù. He told me that you have to go back to Paris, but I told him that you must stay here in the United States for the Project in California. Moreover, what do they need you for over there calling you back to Paris?" I laughed, then said, "Thank you, ‘Old Man’ Keá. But, there have already been many Vietnamese Brothers around here, in the United States." He replied, "That’s right, there are more than ten Vietnamese Brothers in the United States. But, I guess that there are very few of them who want to join..." I cut short, "Why?" But, he had hung up the telephone.

Brother Deùsireù came to Philadelphia. I let him know that I just got BS in computer sciences studies. I suggested that he allow me to attend some Religious Studies classes during Spring Semester and Summer Session before going back to Paris. He quickly agreed with my suggestions. Brother Deùsireù’s main goal in coming to Philadelphia was rather about the Project in California. He and I had spent much time discussing and closely examining the feasibility of that Project.

He said that he had discussed the feasibility of the project with the Vietnamese Brothers in San Francisco. I told to him about the reflections I had, right after the Sub-District chapter had finished (Cf. pages 156-157.) In addition, I let him know that even before Brother Phong presented his Project for California at the Sub-District chapter, I had told Phong, about two years before, my thoughts and wishes that there be two communities overseas: one in Paris and one in California (Cf. page 178.) Brother Deùsireù nodded his head, then said "One of the most critical concerns for the project to be accomplished, was that the personnel problem hadn’t been met." I quite understood that not only the Project in California needed personnel, the current apostolic works in New Caledonia and at ALDER, needed personnel, too. I also knew that Brother Deùsireù, in his deep interior, wished and wanted the Project in California be accomplished. But, he suspected that few Vietnamese Brothers really wanted to gather in creating a community for this project.

However, there was another concern, not less sensitive, that Brother Deùsireù encountered. That was my return to Paris. He said, "How can I reply to the Brothers in Paris if I agreed to leave you here in the United States for supporting and accomplishing the Project in California?" I replied, "I know that ALDER, i.e. our Old Brothers in Paris, have a great hope in me. But, we must discuss and examine this issue not based on personal interest - whether individual or small overseas community interest - rather based on short term and long term for the interest of the District of Saigon in Vietnam." Brother Deùsitreù said, "I know that everything you do, and other Brothers alike, is for the District of Saigon in Vietnam. That’s why, if there are two communities - one in Paris and one in California, as you previously mentioned - I think that’s a perfect planning. But, the problem is not that simple because we are lacking of personnel. Now, we have to be clear: you must return to Paris because you have promised, haven’t you?" I immediately retorted, "NO! I didn’t promise to ipso facto return to Paris. You and the Brothers at ALDER have thought and pretended that ‘Because I have promised with Brother Superior General Joseù Pablo to ipso facto return to Paris, therefore Joseù Pablo agreed to let me go to the USA.’ It’s false! My answer to Brother Superior General’s question - literally the same question you asked me last year, do you remember? - was ‘Je n’ai pas encore penseù aø ce probleøme, mais si tout va bien, je ne vois pas la raison pour rester aux EÙtats-Unis’ (Cf. page 159.) If you say, ‘You MUST... BECAUSE you HAVE PROMISED,’ I protest and deny that concept..."

There was a moment of silence. I then continued, "Do you know that when I asked Brother Colman Coogan to accept Brother Anthony Thaønh into the District of Baltimore - a few months earlier, I did prepare for my future work at ALDER in begging Brother Colman to assist and help me in terms of providing equipments, etc? Anyway, the problem is not whether I return to Paris or not. I think that there is another problem much more important, that is: What can we, the overseas Vietnamese Brothers, do for the District of Saigon in Vietnam, in short term and long term?" Brother Deùsireù seemed to weigh the pros and cons for a while, then said, "OK! If things happen like that, let’s compromise: You’ll return to Paris by this summer, assuming responsibility as director at ALDER for two years. Afterwards, I promise to send you to California..." I promptly reply, "If so, I propose not only one but two compromises. First compromise: You also hold responsibility as director at ALDER and I’ll be there to assume any activities. Second compromise: If, for whatever reason, there is not enough personnel (at least three Brothers, I think) from the Vietnamese Brothers in the United States to form a new community in California, I strongly suggest that I comply with a request, by staying here in the USA, to make sure that the Project in California be accomplished ."

Brother Auxiliary Visitor replied, "About your first compromise, as you know, holding responsibility as director over former directors... is not easy!" I retorted, "What? You had been director, principal at a very famous school, and now Auxiliary Visitor... and you feel it ‘not easy’ to be director over former directors? How can I, since I am just a blanc bec (little unknown)?" Both of us laughed, relaxing. He continued, looking much worried, "About your second compromise... Maybe Brother Theophane was right in saying, ‘It’s not sure that we can get three Vietnamese Brothers involved into the Project in California.’ That’s why he told me to leave you in the United States for that purpose..." After a while, he said, "Anyway, let’s continue discussing this issue tomorrow. Tonight, please spend time to pray and to reflect more upon it."

The next morning, I had the third meeting with Brother Auxiliary Visitor. He directly pointed out his decision in saying, "I think that the best solution to the issue that we have discussed during the last two days is that you return to Paris and assume responsibility as director at ALDER for two years, then I’ll send you to California for the project..." I was pretty disappointed at such a statement.

Trying to keep myself calm, I took a long breath, then said, "Brother Auxiliary Visitor, I understand your being in a divided mind as to what to do, especially how to confront the Brothers at ALDER. But, frankly, I have to say what I have thought about and reflected upon our District of Saigon:

1. First of all, I have feelings that our Sub-District won’t last for long, considering its actual situation. Do you remember the day Brother Joseù Pablo came to visit us at Drancy? Before the general meeting, the Brothers whispered among themselves that Brother Superior General ‘came here maybe for dissolving the Sub-District.’ Why such an idea? There is smoke only if there is fire!

2. Second, at the Sub-District chapter, you were really indecisive in voting on the proposition of New Caledonia (I was moderator at that time therefore I saw it clearly,) and after the chapter, you were in a bilious and painful crisis, is it right?

3. Third, and it is the most important issue that we must point out, that there be necessary and abundant resources, to send to our District of Saigon in Vietnam, assistance, in the short term and the long term as well. After nearly two years in Paris and three years in the United States, I have been convinced that such a resource should be from the United States.

4. And a last point is that, although the number of Vietnamese Brothers who are involved in the Project in California is not concretely defined yet, delaying its realization for a while - one year, two years, or more - would not be a better solution. I think we are behind compared with a number of Congregations who have profited of the existence of a certain break in our fast ‘changing-life’(40) from the government in Vietnam since the mid-eighties. Through such a break, we could help and collaborate with our District of Saigon to gradually revive in terms of apostolic works and new vocation recruitments.

So, please think about that. And I don’t want to be pushed to the extreme..."

Brother Deùsireù quickly responded, "No! No one pushes you to the extreme..." He then seemed to whisper to himself after a long breath, "God’s Will!" He held my hands, then said," I did have similar reflections and concerns as yours. Moreover I was thinking about inviting and pushing our Vietnamese Brothers to involve themselves more in the Project in California. As for your stay in the USA, I did think about and was totally inclined to it. I am only a little shy about the Brothers at ALDER who could take it in a wrong way. Anyway, we have to look forward on behalf of our District of Saigon." I said, "But, Brother Auxiliary Visitor, my second compromise is not solved yet. I still hope that there will be enough - at least three - Brothers, and the Project won’t need me, anymore!" We laughed, open-mindedly and hopefully good for the future of the District and the Sub-District of Saigon.

On next morning, I drove Brother Deùsireù to Adamstown to meet Brother Colman Coogan, Visitor of the Baltimore District. They had a talk in private for a while, then Brother Colman came to shake my hands and said, "Welcome, Valery, to the District of Baltimore!"

***

Brother Colman Coogan, Visitor, assigned me to the community of La Salle College High School in Wyndmoor for the 1989-1990 school year. I assumed the 9th grade computer class. It was my first time teacher in an American school, and of course, everything must to be 100% American: living among American Brothers, eating American food, drinking American water, speaking American language, trying to adapt to the American culture and behavior, etc. For the daily living, I had learned, more or less appropriately and adequately, how to adopt to the American life-style from the American Brothers at West Catholic community. For the college/school career, I had learned, more or less satisfactorily, how to "give and take" from my classmates and American teachers at La Salle University. But for the teaching career - foremost at a stranger school using foreign language - it was not that simple!

At my very first hour of class, I recognized the students’ faces dazed. Their wide open eyes and mouth looking at me in a way similar to looking at a "strange monster who knows how to enunciate some sounds" made me uneasy and uncomfortable. At that moment, I realized the meanings of "the dialogue between a deaf and a mute." Frankly, I began trembling in my innermost and I could feel drops of sweat rolling down my chest and back. For a while, my mind and heart were shaken so hard that I couldn’t say a word. I suddenly remembered a paasage Significant Learning of Carl Rogers in his On Becoming a Person, "In my relationships with persons I have found that it does not help, in the long run, to act as though I were something that I am not." I then tried to assure myself, "Just look ahead. Your new challenging adventure just begins!" An unforgettable experience!

To tell the truth, American students of my 9th grade class were really nice and polite - at least at La Salle College High School, as Brother Colman had said before sending me to there, "Valery, don’t worry! Students at La Salle College High School are quite polite and from educated families!" Indeed, when I said something they didn’t understand, they asked me to write down on the board. I did. And they joyfully exclaimed something like "Ah! Oh!" showing that they understood what I wanted to say. From this experience, I learned a good deal: "I teach my students computer course, they teach me English language, particularly the correct pronunciation: where to put the appropriate accent!" Another good and unforgettable experience!