A few days after I came to Paris, Brother Alexandre AÙnh had requested and obtained the duplicata of my Baccalaureùat Certificate from the Acadeùmie de Rennes - Rectorat - Division Des Examens Et Concours. Thanks to this certificate, I could enroll at the Universiteù de Saint Dennis by the end of October, 1984. I intended to obtain the necessary diploma, at least the DEUG (Diploâme d’Etudes Universitaires Geùneùrales,) so that I could teach in a French school.
On the very first moment sitting at my desk and attentively reading a math book wide open in front of my eyes, I couldn’t concentrate for more than three minutes. Numbers and letters seemed to tumultuously dance up and down, just as if I was moved raised up and down by strong waves. I was like paralyzed for a long moment, holding eyes under my two hands. I felt a frisson of fear and horror dominate my mind and body. I didn’t realize what had happened. Remembering what happened the day after I had arrived to Joseù Fabella Center in Manila (Cf. page 16.) , I wondered if there is something like "intellectual sickness from numbers and letters on that occasion?" It had taken several weeks before I could recover stability of mind.
Going to Universiteù de Saint Dennis for winter season was really strenuous because of the snow. If it was snowing, it’d be fine and beautiful, but if it was freezing, it’d be rather too cold and slippery. Moreover, re-starting my college career after such a long critical time of socio-political challenging circumstances in one’s life was not that easy and smooth to do. In addition, the difficulty in hearing and speaking caused by different languages and cultures weakened one’s study capability and affected not less one’s self-confidence.
I had taken three classes, but at the final exams I passed only one. This brought terrible psychological pressure on me. I was wondering "how other people, my Confreres and former students who had been luckier fleeing overseas within past ten years earlier would confront such a mental and psychological situation as mine actually?" I clearly realized that the many ups and downs which had happened in my life could dramatically affect my mind and soul. But such a realization could not remedy what I called "my self-confidence." I was saddened for myself. There were times I wanted to give up and wondered, "Should I continue to live this life-style as a Christian Brother, here and now?"
Often on week-ends, Hoang and Nga drove me to certain shopping centers at Montparnasse or Chaâtelet. Once at a FNAC store, I saw displayed two or three ordinateurs (computers) and one... something that looked like the one I had seen several years ago at the airport of Nha Trang. Hoang and Nga saw me standing in front of these ordinateurs, as if hypnotized by them for a long time. Hoang said to Nga, "Freøre An loves these machines, the ordinateurs..." then took my hand, saying, "You had spoken to my class of the 8th graders with enthusiasm something about the ordinateurs. You said that Brother Mutien took your class of Troisieøme to the airport of Nha Trang. You heard sounds like that of typewriting, but when you looked into the room, there was no one in there, nobody typing. But the paper still gradually rolled out of a machine; you didn’t know how it could be... is that what you have recalled?" Three of us laughed. "Now," I said, "I know what it is: a printer connected to a computer!" To tell the truth, I said "I know" but in reality I didn’t realize what the Ordinateur could do. I said "I know" because I did read Sciences et Vie when I was in Seconde (10th grade), and since then, been obsessed by "this amazing machine, l’Ordinateur!" I had a passion for it. An idea flashed across my mind, "Why don’t I apply for Informatique (computer science)?"
After the first year at Universiteù de Saint Dennis, I got the permission to transfer to Universiteù de Jussieu, with intention of applying to attend Informatique class. The transfer from a university to another was without difficulty, but to apply to Infornatique class was a big problem. I was denied for a simple reason "Full!" That was a fake reason. The reality was that I was "over dated" (too old!) I so had to continue my college career at Jussieu in math.
***
Each year, the last Sunday of July had been chosen as a "Tradition Day." La Salle Vietnam Alumni gathered at ALDER or somewhere else to celebrate Saints Peter and Paul as models of the spirit of De La Salle Order: Saint Peter represented Faith and Saint Paul, Zeal. In 1985, there were nearly three hundred Vietnamese Lasallian gathered at the Ecole d’Agriculture de Beauvais. They had grounds for great joy on this occasion. That was to welcome three adults into the Catholic Church by their baptism and confirmation. After the Eucharist, there was awarding prizes to top ten students of Vietnamese Language School run by Mr. Que, a former teacher at Taberd before 1975. There also was a musical performance in honor of the three newly baptized, of the top ten students awarded, and particularly of the La Salle Spirit that gathered many former students and their families and friends at least once a year.
There perhaps was something really extra for the gathering of this year 1985: Brother Phong came from Philadelphia to share different activities of the Vietnamese community in Philadelphia and in North America in general. Some of these activities were:
. Festivities on Tet Nguyen Dan (Lunar New Year) and Tet Trung Thu (Mid-Autumn);
. Sport Festivals gathering many groups from different States in America and Canada;
. On a certain occasion to stage a sit-down for hunger demonstration, Vietnamese "boat people" gathered in front of the UN buildings to protest against the Vietnamese communist system for violating "Human Rights" and/or "Freedom of Religion" in Vietnam;
. etc...
On the occasion of Brother Phong’s presence in Paris, I asked him about the university system in the USA, especially on the field of computer sciences. He said, "In the USA, the Brothers run several colleges and universities. Each District runs its own college or university. In Philadelphia, there is La Salle University which belongs to the Baltimore District. La Salle University is not as large as other universities, but there is a Computer Department that I think can provide you with a solution for your study needs and aspirations!"
"Keep hope alive!" I said to myself.
***
I was invited to attend a three week reflection session in Kerblouz, Auray, for the Brothers who had been profeøs (final vows) for more than 10 years, on July 15,1985. The theme was "How to be of service to poor people - especially children of poor workers - according to the charisma of Saint De La Salle throughout 300 years; how it can be applied nowadays adequately to local traditions and cultures, and to the actual socio-political circumstances?"
It’s useful to know that at that time, France was governed by the Socialist Party. All private schools - most of them had belonged to the religious organizations committed to education - were socialized in terms of administration, i.e. the government took control of running the schools and staff and faculty members were its employees. However, the ownership of the property still remained of the original owners
(27). Women and men religious and lay teachers as well from these private schools could continue teaching and/or running the school, but they all were considered "employees" of the government, thus the government paid them salaries like any other employees.Nobody would deny that the social security system of the French government, offering services like Medicare or Medicaid, health insurance, equal education opportunity, etc. - although not quite perfect was good enough to be recognized as fair and appropriate to the ideals of French people, "LIBERTEÙ - EÙGALITEÙ - FRATERNITEÙ (Liberty - Equality - Fraternity.)
So, following the discussion between the Brothers participating to the session, it was concluded that the fact of "socializing the education system is a good thing because it would ban the social barrier between rich-poor and meet every socio-economical needs ." But "just and proper learning is still imperfect in terms of education/instruction - with the whole meanings of instruction that Saint De La Salle understood and wanted the Brothers to understand on His times." In addition, there was another topic not less important. After the Vatican Council II (after 1965,) a socio-religious phenomenon influenced, seriously enough, the conservation of "vocations" and the recruitment of "new vocations" in the Catholic Church in general, and in the De La Salle Order in particular. Before the Vatican II, De La Salle Order counted more than 16,000 members worldwide, but just a few years later, the number of Brothers remained less than 10,000, and gradually and dramatically decreased year by year.
Nevertheless, despite the decreasing number of Brothers, the educational mission has not been affected, thanks to the new idea of incorporating those lay persons who had been committed to the education mission as the De La Salle Order’s as associates and partners. "Adaptation and Innovation of De La Salle system of its educational mission to fit with the real and concrete socio-political situation - worldwide and local as well, has been well done," the key-note speaker joyfully and enthusiastically said. "Such adaptation and innovation," he continued, "had begun after the Revolution in 1789, and improved until now." "It’s true", I said to myself while listening to the speaker. A long time before when I was in the Petit-Novitiate, I heard my Brother-Teachers proudly recall that the De La Salle Order in the world, and in Vietnam particularly "is one of the most open minded in terms of adaptation and innovation to the actual socio-political situation." Indeed, the District of Saigon was the first among many other women and men Orders to elect a Vietnamese superior, Brother Visitor, Brother Cyprien Gaãm, at the end of the 50’s, while other Orders were still under the foreign, e.g. French or Italian or Spanish or Canadian, Provincial leadership. In addition, right after April 30, 1975, the Provincials of different Orders whose mission has been specifically for education followed De La Salle Brother Visitor in many ways dealing with the new government in terms of schools and/or educational establishments.
Brother Joseph Pham (Cf. page 69, footnote
[15]) revealed that "the three summer months had been the peak months for apostolic activities of the Brothers of the Paris District, and the effort was very successful. Moreover, it generated considerable revenue - one could say, a unique income - that the Paris District could share with other poorer districts worldwide, following the program of Partage Fraternel (Fraternal Sharing) of the General Chapter." Brother Pierre, head of ALDER, had applied the same policy to drive the group of Vietnamese students and their families to a colonie de vacances (Summer Camp) several years before. As for this year 1985, the colonie de vacances was set to be in Bretagne. On the occasion of my presence at the session, he drove his whole group to Kerblouz for a sightseeing of the Brothers’ school and for visiting the Old Brothers at the Holy Family Community.The group was so enthusiastic seeing large field of melons ready to harvest at the Agriculture School that children and adults alike "innocently" plucked and hid some of them in their bags. In addition, on the rear of the Holy Family Community building, there was a small lake where geese enjoyed swimming. At the view of strangers coming around the lake, ganders cried out tumultuously. At that, little boys threw stones over them, and unfortunately wounded one of them on its head so badly that it was killed... "Les Pauvres Vieux Freøres souffrent beaucoup de la mort de l’oie... C’est terrible, inimaginable...!" (Old Brothers were distressed and suffered so much at the death of the gander... It’s terrible, unimaginable...!) I heard some Brothers whispering among themselves when the Vietnamese colonie de vacances had left. I clearly recognized that the Brothers didn’t aim these remarks at me, but I felt mortified and hurt over what my compatriots - at least some of them - had done. Perhaps the Brothers perceived my mortified attitude, therefore at dinner, they seemed to understand and sympathize.
The next day, Sunday, was a free day. I was invited to accompany some Brothers to a tasting when they said, "On dirait que si vous ne mangez pas de creâpes bretones, vous n’auriez jamais eùteù en Bretagne!" (If you come to Kerblouz and you don’t taste the creâpes, then you have never come to Kerblouz in Bretagne.) I didn’t really recognize how tasteful the creâpes were, but my confreres incessantly praised, "Mais c’est formidable! C’est magnifique! C’est merveilleux!, " etc... It made me remember Mrs. Eleanor whom I had known at the Palawan Refugee Camp (Cf. page 28) and who came to visit me from the United States of America a few months before. She insisted that I drive her to Champs Elyseùes Boulevard just for a cup of coffee. She said, "People say that if you don’t come to Cafeù Fouquet, even just for a cup, you’ve never come to Paris!" Why yes! Just a cup of coffee because it was very expensive, but I didn’t really enjoy of it, not because it was too expensive but rather because it was not as tasteful as a cup of coffee "made in Vietnam from Ban me Thuot." It was a question of cultural habit, I guessed. It was a good opportunity to get oneself open-minded, anyway.
A Brother from Saint Joseph School in Toulouse, Brother Nicholas, came to see me after Sunday dinner. He said, "Ne t’en fais pas pour la reùaction des Freøres dans l’apreøs-midi d’hier! C’est comme ca, le tempeùrament des Francais! Ils parlent, parlent et parlent. Mais ils ne sont pas meùchants. " (Be not saddened by the reaction of the French Brothers yesterday afternoon. It’s the character of French people! They talk, talk and talk. But they are not by any means bad!) He asked me for an extra copy of a brochure I wrote about life of the Brothers in Vietnam after 1975 and would like to present me to a French family in Toulouse who used to assist poor people in the developing countries around the world.
***
By the end of October, I received an invitation from Mrs. Evelyne in Toulouse to a dinner with some of her friends. I intended to stay overnight at her home, then on next early morning, I would go to Lourdes, about 100km (60 miles) from Toulouse. At the dinner, I was more than embarrassed because it was the first time in my life to have opportunity to participate to a sumptuous reception aø la francaise: everyone, host and guests alike, were in business form while I was in casual form, i.e. T-shirt! And I was a guest of honor! "Oh my God!" I said to myself, "It’s ridiculous accepting the invitation! Anyway, it’s too late now!" Perhaps, although the guests were of high rank and rich persons in the city, but they were also intellectuals, thus polite persons, they immediately detected my embarrassment. Therefore, they welcomed me in a way really cordial and natural and familiar. Even some guests hugged me and cordially said, "Comme je suis heureux et c’est vraiement un grand honneur de vous recevoir chez nous. Soyez bienvenu aø Toulouse." (I am happy and it’s truly grand honor for me to welcome you to our home. Welcome to Toulouse!) They made me more at ease.
During dinner, each one presented him/herself. And they showed themselves very proud to be former students of the De La Salle Schools. Mrs. Evelyne presented to her guests the brochure that Brother Nicolas gave her, and asked me to say more in detail. I told to them how the Brothers in Vietnam lived under oppression and challenging circumstances, particularly when most of them had been forced to give up their educational mission. I didn’t forget to add how the La Salle Community of Mossard was confiscated, and all its members had been put in so-called re-education camps. Someone said aloud, "Mais c’est la prison, ou le camp de travaux forceùs!" (But that’s a prison or forced labor camp!) I nodded then said, "That’s true! Playing on words is one of the most famous capabilities of the communist propaganda!" Everyone laughed. After the brief discussion, the group agreed to share with the La Salle Vietnam Family in general, and with the Brothers in particular, sympathy and caring compassion. The guests proposed Mrs. Evelyne to be the contact person and treasurer for the contributions of De La Salle students and former students and friends in Toulouse. They also decided to set the collection at least twice a year, as "a sign of solidarity and fraternal sharing with the Brothers in Vietnam."
(28)***
In November 1985, ex-Brother Daniel Traïng, who had been sub-director at the Petit-Novitiate in Nha Trang in the 60’s and tutor-teacher of my Troisieøme and Seconde (9th and 10th) grades, had just purchased a brand new OPEL car and invited me to make a tour in Europe, or at least in some countries like Germany, Netherlands, Switzerland... with intention of visiting some Lasallian friends there.
Daniel didn’t dare drive alone because he had just received his driver license. As for me, I had driven a long time before, in Vietnam. When I came to New Caledonia, I requested to have mine changed onto international driver license. I was denied. It’d worthless to take a new one because I was going to Paris. In Paris, I hadn’t thought about taking a new driver license because the public transports in Paris were really marvelous, and furthermore the price to get a new one was around seven thousand FF - it was an enormous amount of money for a "refugee like me!"
Although Daniel knew that I didn’t have a driver license, he did know that I had been "a good driver" for a long time before. He suggested that I take the wheel on Highways. The brand new OPEL car was really great and powerful. Sometimes I tried to reach 160km/h (about 100miles/h) and it still was smooth and well balanced. Daniel was excited of overjoyed. Our first stop was at Brother Bosco family’s house in Cologne. Brother Bosco and his sisters led us to the cathedral of Cologne to visit the most celebrated work of art in the cathedral, that is, the Sarcophagus of the Magi, a large gilded sarcophagus dating to around 1200, the largest reliquary in the western world. The exterior is seven feet of gilded silver and jewels. Images of Old Testament prophets line the bottom and the twelves apostles decorate the top. Inside, the reliquary holds three golden-crowned skulls believed to belong to the Three Magi (!)
On this occasion, Brother Bosco’s sisters introduced me to the pastor of the Vietnamese Parish. This pastor invited me to talk about "The life of faith of Vietnamese people after the events of 1975" to a group of young Vietnamese living in the area of Cologne. With the agreement of Daniel, I agreed to go back to Cologne by April 1986 for this purpose.