Some friends and former students had “rescued” Brother Dennis Nhon from the “unwanted visit” of the police to La Salle Mossard in Thuc Duc on late evening of January 3, 1975. Brother Dennis, while living in Saigon more or less in the underground, was continually informed of the bad news from his confreres by one of his closest friends. On many occasions, he had wanted to report in with Brother Lucien, Visitor, but “It’s not time, yet!” as his friend suggested.

After January 4, 1975, during 10 consecutive days, the police called Brother Lucien up to “work” at the detention center in Thu Duc and at the Religious Services in Ho Chi Minh City. He was often requested to disclose Brother Dennis’ residence. He knew that Brother Dennis was at large but had no clue to his exact whereabouts. Sometimes, he felt uncomfortable wondering “whether Brother Dennis at large is good news or bad news.”

Two days after Brother Michel’s sincere confession, Brother Dennis decided to come to meet Brother Lucien, Visitor at the Provincialate. But, he was sure that there were secret agents watching over the Provincialate, annotating the ins and outs of any persons in to and out from that house. One of his friends offered to be in contact and to set a rendezvous with Brother Lucien.

He was disguised so well that Brother Visitor couldn’t recognize who he was at first; Anyway, it was a bitter-sweet meeting with “the most wanted” at such a critical time. Brother Visitor said to him, “I’ve been called up many times at the detention center in Thu Duc, and at the Religious Services. Every time, the investigators asked me: ‘Where is Brother Nhon?’ Last time, just 2 days before, they proposed to release all the Brothers and Juniors if I showed them where you are, now. What do you think?”

Brother Dennis answered, without hesitation, “Brother Visitor, first of all, I am sorry for everything that had happened to La Salle Mossard last week. But, frankly speaking, do you believe in their words?” Brother Visitor didn’t answer immediately Brother Dennis’ question. Everyone knew that, not just because he was calm by nature, but it really was a quite big challenge. In fact, there was the experience of Brother Gervais who had returned to La Salle Community at Thu Duc - accepting his advice - and then was put in jail. In addition, even Brother Dennis Nhon showed up to the government, nobody couldn’t be sure whether the other Brothers and the Juniors would be released from jail or not.

Brother Dennis understood very clearly what was going on in the mind and heart of Brother Visitor. He had no choice, either. In the end, he said, “Brother Visitor, it is not because I want to leave my confreres, nor because of my irresponsibility. The problem is that if the communist government were trustworthy, it would be worth it to be presented to them for the sake of the brotherhood in regards of my confreres, but if the communist government is not to be trusted, why do I have to sacrifice myself for nothing? I really have no choice. To avoid such difficulties for you, I would suggest: Firstly from now on, please never mention about my meeting with you, today; Secondly, please allow me to leave the Congregation.” [By the end of 1986, I had an opportunity to visit Mr. Dennis Nhon at his home in Kansas City. When I recalled to him about a certain young lady asking for him on the morning of January 3, 1978, it seemed that he didn’t remember anything about it.]

***

January 11, 1975. It was my first Wednesday in jail. It also was my third day being hung up at the window. At the detention center in Thu Duc, every Wednesday was set as a day for families to “visit” their relative detainees, i.e. to bring food supplies when available. However, “visit” meant without meeting face to face. Families brought food supplies, e.g. soya bean powder, milk powder or something like that, even some salty foods like steamed or dried fish, fish sauce, etc. to the camp, the guards checked the visitor I.D., searched over all the packages to be sure that there was nothing “illegal”, brought in the package to the recipients.

Although still standing close to the window, I noticed that in Room #4, there were more than a half of detainees who didn’t receive anything from their families. However, at lunch time, those who had received food, shared in small groups of their friends who, I guessed, had to share too when they had received something from their families. There were some detainees whose behavior or relationship with others had been more or less unfriendly, contented themselves with the daily ration, and had to be content whether they did or did not receive something from their families. But sometimes, I noticed, their eyes covetously glanced at other groups who joyfully laughed and shared their lunch. I was wondering when I would be like them, envious of food other than that provided by the detention camp.

At 10:00P.M. a guard stood outside the other window, and as usual checked the number of detainees in Room #4. The cell head said, “May I report to Officers. Total number is 39.” He nodded, and then came to “my window”, un-cuffed my two hands from the window bar. Thanks God! I thought that was finished. I was wrong! I was handcuffed, but with more freedom to walk away from the window. I started walking, but I fell down because my two legs, which were not active for 3 days and 3 nights, refused to support my body. Cuong, Han and two other young men came to help me, by massaging my two legs for a while.

***

As mentioned earlier, although I had been the last to come into room #4, I was favored to be promoted to the 5th level instead of being assigned to the “bed” at the “runway” according to the agreement of the whole Room #4 “community”. After three days without being able to sleep, it made me so tired that once lying down, I kind of lost consciousness. I didn’t know how long it had lasted when noisy mixed sounds woke me up. It was about 2:00A.M. on Thursday January 12, 1978.

“New comers! There are two newcomers!” several detainees in room #4 shouted out. In spite of many entreaties from the cell head, “May I report to Officers, Room #4 is too crowded...” two men were pushed into Room #4. Although their hands were not handcuffed, I guessed they were there for political problems, i.e. just like me, they had been arrested because of certain connections with anti-revolutionary, or at least some so-called reactionary Front or Organization.

Indeed, they were from the Redemptorist Center in Thu Duc, about 2km from La Salle Mossard. The Center had been “visited” by the police a day earlier, in the late afternoon. It seemed that policemen had found in the outdoor aquarium, abandoned for a long time before, a revolver so rusted that an expert in weaponry couldn’t “click” it anymore. On the charge of “illegally hiding a weapon”, all the inhabitants at this Center were dispersed. Two of them, Brother Le in his 60’s and Brother Tuan, tall and healthy looking in his 30’s, were put in room #4.

Brother Le looked at me then asked, “You are Brother An, I guess.”
- How do you know?
- I saw your photo handing the national flag red-yellow-star in front of the toilets! I also saw the photo of Brother Anh, Director, holding an ammunition box at the top of your house.

I smiled without saying a word. He continued, “I watched to the television on Monday evening, and I knew that Brothers Anh, Hong, Dao and some other Brothers were present at the scene while policemen dug in the garden and picked up several guns. I doubted this show because I knew that you De La Salle Brothers were never involved in politics. On the other hand, some priests of our Redemptorist Congregation, e.g. Reverends Lan, Thanh, Chan Tin, etc. had been involved too much in political activities even before ‘75. In particular Rev. Ngoc Lan who, in mid 1972, invited 3 members of the Front of the Liberation of South Vietnam to a meeting inside the Redemptorist Center . At 11:00P.M. they had to leave but the police of South Vietnam had circled the property. Do you know how they could leave, safely? Rev. Lan, wearing his black clerical robe, had to drive them in a Jeep after giving each of them another black clerical robe. It was terrible!”

I listened to Brother Le talking about what those Reverends had done in spite of disagreeing with them and, I guessed, with his Superiors. I did remember one of the flyers that, according to my understanding, came from the Inter-Religion anti-revolutionary Front whose head was Rev. Vang, a Redemptorist. I asked, “By the way, do you have any news from Rev. Vang?” He looked at me. I raised my two hands wearing cuffs. He nodded then said, “Rev. Vang has been arrested and was put in jail a month before Christmas ‘77. You know that before ‘75, he used to strongly criticize the former government of Saigon; after ‘75, he led some former officers and officials to fight against the revolutionary government. I cannot understand why he had been so involved in doing politics; his job, as a religious and priest, is that not enough for his social involvement?” We laughed.

I glanced at his younger confrere, Brother Tuan, sitting near the “runway”, totally dejected and depressed. He understood what I meant. It seemed he hesitated for a few seconds, then he said, “That young guy had joined the Congregation in 1974. He collaborated with Rev. Lan in expelling the Apostolic Delegate, Mgr. Henri Le Maitre, in August 1975. He also joined the Communist Youth of Ho Chi Minh Group, and became an applicant to that Group. He has worked hard to be officially admitted as its member . It seemed that he would be admitted in a few months, but I’m wondering whether what has just happened to the Redemptorist Center could affect his admission.”

I could realize, later, why that young guy showed himself so depressed. He stayed lonely without talking to anyone for several days after he was pushed into Room #4. The detainees nearby heard him whispering something like “Oh no! Impossible! They cannot treat me that way!”

One morning, on the way to the open restrooms, I saw Rev. Tien Loc, a Redemptorist, in Room #10. He showed the joyful face as usually he did a long time before, with toothless mouth but still charming. I raised my two cuffed hands. He nodded then turned his head towards the room, and a few seconds later, Brother Colomban Dao showed up beside Rev. Tien Loc. I smiled at both of them, daring not to say anything because of the rule #5 “Strictly forbid to make contact with other detainees in any other rooms.” Five minutes later, on the way back passing through Room #10, Rev. Tien Loc seemed waiting for me. He raised his right hand as making a blessing while he mouthed something like Pax Christi, I bowed my head and whispered Amen! From then on, everyday passing by Room #10, Rev. Tien Loc and Brother Colomban were waiting for me. Rev. Tien Loc made sign of giving a blessing, and I bowed my head, and touched my face as making a sign of the cross.

After seeing Rev. Tien Loc, I decided to talk with young Brother Tuan. Contrarily from what I had thought about him, Brother Tuan was opened and friendly, confiding to me, “Before ‘75, as you know it, there were many priests, especially the Redemptorists, involved in the social justice issue following the Vatican II Pastoral Constitution ‘The Church in the World of Today.’ The revolution in ‘75 had been, I thought, a catalyst that could push us to fulfill such a social justice ideal. Therefore, I had joined the Communist Youth of Ho Chi Minh in 1976, and hoped to be admitted as an official member of the Group in few months.” I cut short, “If so, why are you arrested and put in jail?” He replied quite promptly, “I think I’ll be released soon, very soon!”

I didn’t want to continue the sharing and discussion on this matter because, I thought, this “poor” young Brother had been rather too idealist, even fanatic. I just had to wait for “how long it would be: ‘soon, or very soon.’”

***

On an afternoon of my 3rd week in jail, when Room #4 went to the water container as daily scheduled, I heard someone from Room #5 nearby the water container call, “Brother An!” That was Tien, the Junior, whom I hadn’t seen since December 8, ‘77 when I was in Hue for my father’s funeral. I was so overjoyed that I forgot rule #5 at the detention camp, “Strictly forbid to contact other detainees in any other rooms.” I ran to the Room #5 door, and tried to talk to Tien. He asked, “Where’s Brother Gervais?” I didn’t answer yet. I suddenly saw Tien fleeing deep inside the room, and I felt something like a keys chain beating on my head. “Come here!” the guard shouted while pulled me to the middle of the cemented court. He continued to beat on my head and shoulders with his keys chain, several times. I realized at that moment that I had violated rule #5. It was too late, anyway.

When all detainees of Room #4 were back in the room and the door closed, the guard called me from the door at Room #4. I went close to him. It seemed that he hesitated for a few seconds, opened the door, and pushed me in, and then locked the door and before leaving, he summoned the cell head, “You have to teach again Mr. An again the rules of the camp, especially rule #5!”

Everyone in Room #4 took deep breath of satisfaction. The cell head said, “Brother An! You’re lucky because it’s officer Hoa’s turn. He’s the nicest and most compassionate of any other officers in this camp. If it were another officer’s turn, you would be beaten much more cruelly.” Thank God!

I enjoyed my lucky day not for long! Just a few minutes later, I was called to work. At the office, the interrogator was waiting for me. I hoped he would un-cuff my hands, but with a look really indifferent and cold, he asked when I had just sat in front of him, “Do you have anything else to confess?” I was surprised, but still hoped to be released. Firstly, because I knew that Brother Michel had confessed and took responsibility on everything that had happened within the La Salle Mossard property. Secondly, I had all necessary documents attesting that I had been out of city during the whole month of December 1977. However, he looked at me, waiting for my reply, gradually getting impatient. To be honest, I was confused, knowing not what and how to reply to his question. In the end, I said, “I have answered every question you asked. I don’t know what else I have to tell.”

He displayed a typewritten document then said, “Sign on this paper!” Like a flash of mind, I thought “ I am really released, thank God!” Without reading the contents of the document, I signed. Immediately, the interrogator ordered the guards, “Hang him up at the window for 3 days and 3 nights.” It was like a bolt from the blue. I was completely shocked. Only when someone took my arm whispering “Brother An” and another one wiped my eyes moistened with tears that I gradually realized that I had been re-cuffed to the window, and that I had cried. Cuong and Han stood on my sides.

It was around 11:00 P.M. While Room #4 was quite quiet, all detainees had lain down on their “bed” trying to get to sleep, I stood at the window, having been more or less “familiar” with such position 2 weeks before. I tried to figure out what had been typewritten on the paper I had signed without having read it. Probably I acted from the false conviction that I would be released, arguing that I had all legal documents certifying that I had been working for the State-run company. Was I too subjective? I suddenly remembered my radical reaction towards Brother Tuan’s sharing just a day before, in judging him as “idealist, even fanatic.” And I learned from from that, that “it’s easier to judge others than to judge oneself.” I realized that “Dialogue, true dialogue or interpersonal communication, is not so easy!” Poor simpleton was I. Certainly I regretted not reading the document before signing it. Anyway, to comfort myself, I whispered “Whether you sign or not, it wouldn’t have mattered!”

***

On the early morning of the 3rd day after I was hung at the window, the guard escorted a handcuffed gentleman holding his “small mobile toilet” from the dark cell to the direction of the open air toilets, passing by in front of me. Looking at the gentleman, I couldn’t temporarily recognize who he would be.

About 5 minutes later, the guard led that gentleman back to his dark cell. I looked at his face, very carefully. He also glanced at me. We recognized each other. That was Reverend Hien, Director and Principal of Our Lord’s School at the monastery of the Trappists in Phuoc Son.

After the events of ‘75, Brother Archange Minh, FSC, was allowed to transfer from the Brothers of the Christian Schools to the Trappist Order in Phuoc Son. I had opportunity to visit him and my uncle, originally from Ngoc Ho, who had been at the monastery for more than 30 years. My uncle led me to meet Reverend Hien who came back to Vietnam from the United States a year earlier and assumed the responsibility to administer the Our Lord’s School as Director and Principal.

Reverend Hien had not been a student of La Salle School, but he had occasion to attend several sessions in Lasallian Pedagogy in Saigon, and to read some pedagogical books by Saint De La Salle, especially “The Conduct of Schools” and “The Twelve Virtues of a Good Teacher”. He said, “Although the book ‘The Conduct of Schools’ had been written in the 17th century and by a French priest, its values in terms of pedagogy and practical issues, are never obsolete. Thoughts and advice contained in these books can be applied everywhere and at every time, regardless local cultures and religions.”
...

I was wondering “How come that Reverend Hien, a Trappist, is also put in jail, and the worst thing was in a dark cell like Tien and Brother Michel?”

As for a flashback, La Salle Mossard Community had been “visited” on January 3; a week later, the Redemptorist Center was “visited”; and one more week later, the Trappist Monastery was also “visited”. Whose turn in Thu Duc would it be later on? And what would be the fate of other Congregations and Orders in other cities?